Archive for the ‘emotional’ Category

My Apple Nightmare: A Personal Note

Monday, November 3rd, 2008

A while back, when it looked like my switch to a Mac was going to be a nightmare, and not the bliss filled love fest I somehow thought it would be, I started my Switching to a Mac blog, mostly to serve as my accessible memory with a timeline for all the cases and issues. Just to say it: I couldn’t keep these records on my computers, because they have been so fritzy. Online was a much better solution.

Today was the best and worst of days with the whole situation.

Background, if you don’t care to read a summary of the details, my 24″ iMac died on Friday, Halloween, after never really working the way I thought it should. I spent 9 months on the phone with Apple. (Yes, it feels like 9 months, but I did hang up to shower occasionally.) While on the phone Friday with the highest level Apple technical support, the iMac finally gave up the ghost. The hard drive failed. I’d been telling them, “It’s the hard drive.” since at least July. They replaced my machine yesterday, using data from a 3-week old TimeMachine backup (since I took one step they suggested, I hadn’t been able to both keep my legacy TimeMachine backup and begin a new TimeMachine backup. I chose to keep my data.) This morning, I discovered that most of my email was missing.
I called the Apple store that supposedly restored my data. I was livid and enraged, but managing to hold it together. The guy I spoke with said something that tipped me over the edge. I let go with a primal, unedited, authentic, “I’m so angry” that I think they heard it at the Post Office. I also flailed, ripping the headset out of my phone. I am sorry the guy had to hear it.
I let it rip from an uncensored place and the world did not fall apart. While what I expressed today is not something I want to express often, it’s not something I want to spend a lifetime suppressing either.

California Marriage Case – What Caught my Eye Toward the Beginning

Thursday, May 15th, 2008

From the Legal Opinion (pdf)

…the legal issue we must resolve is not whether it would be constitutionally permissible under the California Constitution for the state to limit marriage only to opposite-sex couples while denying same-sex couples any opportunity to enter into an official relationship with all or virtually all of the same substantive attributes, but rather whether our state Constitution prohibits the state from establishing a statutory scheme in which both opposite-sex and same-sex couples are granted the right to enter into an officially recognized family relationship that affords all of the significant legal rights and obligations traditionally associated under state law with the institution of marriage, but under which the union of an opposite-sex couple is officially designated a “marriage” whereas the union of a same-sex couple is officially designated a “domestic partnership.” The question we must address is whether, under these circumstances, the failure to designate the official relationship of same-sex couples as marriage violates the California Constitution.

It also is important to understand at the outset that our task in this proceeding is … only to determine whether the difference in the official names of the relationships violates the California Constitution…the constitutional validity of the current legislative provisions.

Although, as an historical matter, civil marriage and the rights associated with it traditionally have been afforded only to opposite-sex couples, this court’s landmark decision 60 years ago in Perez v. Sharp (1948) 32 Cal.2d 7114 — which found that California’s statutory provisions prohibiting interracial marriages were inconsistent with the fundamental constitutional right to marry, notwithstanding the circumstance that statutory prohibitions on interracial marriage had existed since the founding of the state — makes clear that history alone is not invariably an appropriate guide for determining the meaning and scope of this fundamental constitutional guarantee. The decision in Perez, although rendered by a deeply divided court, is a judicial opinion whose legitimacy and constitutional soundness are by now universally recognized.
…we conclude that, under this state’s Constitution, the constitutionally based right to marry properly must be understood to encompass the core set of basic substantive legal rights and attributes traditionally associated with marriage that are so integral to an individual’s liberty and personal autonomy that they may not be eliminated or abrogated by the Legislature or by the electorate through the statutory initiative process.
…our state now recognizes …that an individual’s sexual orientation — like a person’s race or gender — does not constitute a legitimate basis upon which to deny or withhold legal rights.

There’s lots good to read, and I just got to the first 10 pages.


Monday, April 2nd, 2007

I can’t believe I’m going to be able to settle down. I’m very excited. I look at pictures of my new place and can imagine living there. I look at all the space and think, Wow! I’ll have room to live. I can read in one room, eat in the other, have my office in another and sleep in a different one. It feels like such a luxury. It is a luxury.
I will have a roommate, so it’s not all my own. Even then, it is luxury. I’m due to close April 19th. I’ll give more information once it’s final.

Bush Regime Censorship

Friday, February 9th, 2007

From the ACLU site, “Patriot Act is being used to deny visas to foreign scholars whose political views the government disfavors.”
This kind of stuff makes me sick. How can limiting free speech be a form of US patriotism?


Monday, January 1st, 2007

My fortune from a cookie:

Allow compassion to guide your decisions.

Great way to start the year.

God and Mammy

Thursday, December 7th, 2006

I call this God and Mammy, but really it’s just the voices inside my head on a so-so day.

I was sitting at, uh, home?, and this black woman was in front of me and a pair of pewter men were behind me. They represented the bouncing ball of idealism and reality.

Magical Weekend

Monday, October 23rd, 2006

I got to sleep in Saturday morning, something I really needed. I bought the rest of my outfit for the ritual Saturday night, then rendezvoused with Bill Blackburn to go to Andrew Light & Delise Weir’s combined 50th birthday parties in a lovely setting on Quail Hollow Road in Felton. The day was beautiful and afternoon ended with an outdoor sit down dinner. The food was very good, and the company even better. Many men I know came down for this party and the ritual in the evening. So, rather than being excited to be meeting new people, but (if the past is an indicator of the present) ultimately feeling isolated, I had lots of fun catching up with friends while still meeting new people. I did some line dancing and some square dancing, following the instructions provided.

Bill, Cary and I left, and I dropped them at different locations, then took a disco nap at the Compassion Flower Inn, the place I’m staying this week while Terry has family at his place.

Next stop: Cayuga Vault where the ritual for Terry’s 50th birthday was taking place. Many people were involved, and I had a small role calling North. It was an amazing ceremony celebrating Terry’s transition from Warrior to Sage that included family and friends.

From there most of the crowd moved on to Terry’s house for food, libation, and good company. I made my way to my bed around midnight.

Sunday morning I made it to Dance Church, leaving early to make it to Kim’s going-away ritual. Kim and Running Buffalo have fallen in love and Kim is leaving Santa Cruz to start a life with RB in Washington state.

Next and next door was Terry’s larger birthday celebration. More food and fun. I was done with parties by 6PM and headed back for an evening on my own.

I ate lots of wheat and dairy, but this Monday morning I feel good. A renewing and busy weekend to carry forward in my memories.

What have I been up to?

Wednesday, September 27th, 2006

I decided earlier this week that I would not complete the CDT this year for a number of reasons. The long thread in the decision has been my body. A week or so after finishing Colorado, I got hit with incredibly painful sciatica in my right leg. I’m in my final stages of recovery from that, but I’m not in a place with my strength that I would feel comfortable getting on the trail. I want to take care of my body. Next came news of the snow. When I heard that Montana, then southern Colorado was getting snow, I though that New Mexico couldn’t be far behind. The weather on the CDT has been tough for me. I don’t want to begin hiking in challenging weather that’s likely to only get worse. I’m targeting April 2007 to finish New Mexico, and, thereby, the CDT.

Since getting off the trail, I’ve continued to wander. I worked for a few weeks in the heat of Palm Springs in July, spent August enjoying Oregon, and have returned to Santa Cruz for some contract work for September. The work with Seagate should continue into October, another reason for delaying my hike.

Overall, I’ve really been enjoying life. I have my ups and downs, but my overall mood and outlook are noticeably better on a day-to-day basis that when I was living in Santa Cruz before the PCT in 2002.

The one thing missing in my nomadic life is the obvious: a home.

I’m ready for a home and have committed to having one by March 1st, 2007. I made that commitment before I decided to hike in April. Yet, I think I may keep that commitment as part of what the trail can teach me. I’ve held this belief that I can’t be paying rent (or a mortgage!) and still do a thru-hike; that there’s not enough money there to make it happen. I’ll add to the cost of a home to 4-6 weeks on the trail.
In some ways, it will be a shakedown for future thru-hikes. I’m ready to settle, to have a home, and I’m willing to prove to myself that I can do that AND thru-hike.

I would really like to hike the PCT again. I had entertained doing it in 2007, but that doesn’t feel like something I want to take on right now.

The Devil Wears Prada

Thursday, August 24th, 2006

“I’m just one stomach flu away from my goal weight.”

I really enjoyed The Devil Wears Prada. After the movie, I found myself driving aggressively, feeling fat, and not liking the new wardrobe I’ve been assembling in the last month that only this morning brought me such joy. Nevertheless, the acting was superb, and the film entertaining.

“I don’t eat anything… and then when I feel like I’m about to faint, I eat a cube of cheese.”

Totenberg’s Piece on O’Connor’s

Wednesday, March 22nd, 2006

To avoid these ends, we should avoid these beginnings.

So ends a Nina Totenberg piece on NPR about Sandra Day O’Connor’s recent speach.