05/31/01
It’s my birthday, so I’m thinking a lot about
the PCT. Too bad PCT is already capitalized because otherwise I would
capitalize it to emphasize the bigger thing. Kind of like when you capitalize
catholic. No, wait. That doesn’t work.
I’ve already half-mulled about companionship in life and the trail,
and today I’m reading Yogi’s 2001 journal (she’s still
underway, but I’m just reading the prep stages anyway), and I’m
sitting here in the office.
The Office: An 8 story concrete building with an East Wing, South Wing,
and West Wing. My office is on the 5th floor of the West Wing in what
used to be a 4-bed room. You see, this whole building used to be a hospital.
The higher-ups higher up have two-bed offices to themselves. Lesser
higher-ups have two people in a two-bed office. We have four people
in our 4-bed office. Others have offices with no windows, or even views
of windows. [I always think that they are the ones they want to get
rid of.]
It’s a little strange that the amount of space necessary
for the desk of an ant in an information-age office is the same amount
of room needed for a person in a hospital in the 1970s. What’s
also a little weird is that just as the hospital had connectors to oxygen,
etc. in the walls, we have connections to the LAN in neat little stations
in the wall. When I first arrived in this job, I actually thought that
they were the leftover hospital connections. Both are lifelines to what’s
“important” in the function of the building. [I imagine as
space becomes more at a premium in this building, that they might start
putting ‘temporary’ offices in the wide halls, just like gurneys
used to line the walls of this former hospital.] Our toilet has a bed
pan-washing arm that is permanently up. It's all too weird.
So, as I sit here, knowing that my JMT
hike is coming up, but also knowing that my PCT hike is more like
a year away rather than many months away, I’m increasingly seeing
how insane it all is.
Voices with importance and emphasis are drifting down
the hall. I sit at my desk looking productive. Since my productivity
has slipped, I’ve been noticing:
1. It seems to be going unnoticed, and
2. Everyone else seems unproductive too.
Maybe I’m just imagining it.
I guess it’s all becoming a little bit surreal today.
The day is perfect: comfortably warm and coastal clear. It’s a
day that begs attention. But I called in sick last week and felt really
bad about it, so I must belly up to the keyboard and ‘work.’
So the day, heightened by my birthday and new eviction news, is a little
more alive.
We got our eviction notice on Tuesday. Luckily, they gave us two months’
notice, or else my JMT hike would have been screwed on its present itinerary.
So renting sucks.
I’m getting into a position that I could consider buying a house,
at least a present income-wise. Not down payment-wise. Income-wise if
I remain an ant pushing data. Or NOT pushing data on days like today.
I guess that’s one of my limiting beliefs: That I have to do work
at a drone job to make as much money as I do.
I just have a hard time imagining what I could do that
I love that could allow me to make as much as I need to live comfortably,
which today includes owning a house. Because renting sucks.
Having a mortgage is a huge ball and chain. Owning (free and clear)
is another thing all together. I know that if I “own” a house,
I’ll have a mortgage, but the goal is to truly own it. But what
does that mean? [What owning property means is clearly off-topic, and
therefore prohibited in this thread.] [What is on-topic? We may never
know at this rate.]
Back at my desk, there’s this little project I can start, and a
meeting that’s been moved back to 2 PM that I could prep for, so
I’ll sign off. I don’t know that I said anything in this post.
Yet. What I did want to say is that the PCT may be a hike, but the PCT
(“capitalized”) is a life journey. My issues around money
are coming up, I’m arranging and changing my life to make it happen,
and I’m taking big leaps that feel fine (at least today) because
it feels worth it. My stupefying work life has got to change or I’ll
melt. Or explode.
02/10/02
It's another Sunday. Today, I've been working on
my February letter
and my fundraising letter. Tempeh and marinated tofu are in the oven
and in the dehydrator. I'm making a big batch of lentils to dry.
I am freaking out a bit about how much I have to do before I leave.
I've set a moving date in March. I'll take most of my
stuff up to ARCH (SF) to store it on their second floor. It's nice to
be having a tie back to ARCH in my big vision. ARCH was a great place
to work. I was there back in the mid-80s and it felt like family, in
the good way things feel like family.
Had a great Dance Church today. The altar marked the change from Year
of the Snake to Year of the Horse, and it was a silent Dance Church.
The nonverbal communication was great, and it was the biggest Dance
Church so far. I did contact improv with someone I've seen at dance
stuff, but never met. It was the first time with a stranger. He was
blindfolded. It was really fun. I will really miss Dance Church at 418.
I'm giving away the food Margo gave me to three hikers. One, Fred, is
a UCSC student. He came and got it Friday night. I'm shipping the other
two out as soon as I get checks for shipping costs.
I'm
a little sad that I won't be able to return to the Santa Cruz I'm leaving.
This has been a year of great, positive change for
many of those closest to me. David's in Tucson, Bart's in Florida for
a while, Tom's going to Ohio State. Santa Cruz won't be the same without
them.
03/01/02
Ordering the last of my gear. For some reason, I'm
resistant to making a decision about my water filtration. I know I want
to filter my water, and would love to take my MSR WaterWorks, but it
weighs a pound! I bought some Aquamira for emergency treatment.
A gravity-feed system is what makes sense, but I
am not rushing to make one. I know I should be practicing with it; not
going on the trail and using it for the first time.
Let me declare: I am not drinking cow water filtered
through a bandana and treated with chemicals. Ug. [12/02-I did.]
Add it to my list of things to do: Read up on gravity
systems, make one, and practice.
Still really need to get moving on my food. Going
to have a little packaging party. Have got to start going through all
my stuff in boxes. I've moved so many times without unpacking, that
my belongings need to be cinched as it were.
Plane tickets around the world start at $3500. Perhaps my post-trail
odyssey won't be as grand as I thought.
03/07/02
Getting packages every day. Today water filtration
stuff.
SunRidge Farms here in Santa Cruz has agreed to
sell me food at wholesale. I'll have lots of good organic food for less
money. Yipee.
I forgot to mention Odwalla.
I'm getting hundreds of Odwalla Bars for my trip from Odwalla. For free!
Double Yipee.
I even have a good word from Wells Fargo! I met Paulina in the Capitola
branch while cashing donation checks. She arranged for me to get a back-up
ATM card, and said she'd waive my checking fees for 7 months, starting
in May. It's amazing when something so big (Wells Fargo) has real people
who can make decisions that help them keep long-time customers. Too
bad Cingular can't.
My fundraising so far (cash donations): $2065. I am learning to ask
for help, and getting it. I feel honored that people are supporting
my vision. My world is bigger.
3/12/02
I have butterflies in my stomach. I recently picked up my $1200 food
order - granola, trail mix, town snacks, humus, etc. That's my biggest
financial commitment yet. The biggest by far will be quitting my job.
Working backward from there, I take a big step by giving notice. I mulled
when to give notice for a while a few months ago and decided that a
month was fair.
I realized today that my plan would have me giving notice
a week from today, March 19. That's when the butterflies started. Giving
notice feels pretty final. Some of my inner worries are about finding
employment when I return. I'm not sure why I'm worried. I shouldn't
be.
I've been having doubts about the trip. They are the sort
of doubt that creeps in with major commitments-cold feet. I'm paying
attention to them and know that everything will be fine. I've held this
vision for more than a year and have lots of momentum.
So, with the planned date to give notice at work approaching,
and the vague doubts, I needed to find something to sink my teeth into.
I asked a friend who knows personnel issues about the wisdom of giving
a months' notice. Her reply was information that helped me to give as
little notice as possible since I need every last day of pay to make
this trip work.
I hurt my foot a little dancing on Sunday, so I'm worried
about that.
Oh, and I found out that I need a crown. At least
insurance will cover half of it. And it's better to have found out now
than while on the trail with a toothache.
3/18/02
Personal journal blends with pre-PCT journal:
Thursday, Bart called me at the office and asked me to drive him to
SFO. His brother, Jan, had been killed in a motorcycle accident. I told
my boss that I was taking a vacation day on Friday.
Faced with an unexpected trip to the Bay Area, I jumped on the opportunity
to move some stuff to storage in San Francisco. (It's kind of funny
that I can get free storage in the some of the most expensive real estate
on the planet.)
All Thursday-after-work plans were switched to packing,
moving and loading up the car.
I also set it up so that I could pick up my Odwalla bars from Daniel
(who had picked them up from Odwalla), and pick up Frank [who on
the trail became Satellite] so that he wouldn't have to take Greyhound
to meet up for our Carmel Valley to Big Sur training hike on Saturday.
Friday morning, Bart and I set off and got to SFO in record time, just
over an hour. JohnMark and Andy joined us, and we saw Bart off through
the relatively short security lines. I gave JohnMark a ride to work,
but not before having him help me unload my car at ARCH. He was a good
sport, and got to work on time.
I was a moron going down Mission Street. I kept on thinking I might
be able to turn left on the next block. I went from Beale to South Van
Ness in this delusion. I know better.
I eventually made it to Mud Puppys (www.mudpuppys.com),
Daniel and Eddie's business is at Point Isabel near Costco in Richmond.
Odwalla bars obtained. Then Frank, and a quick and expensive run into
REI.
On the way south, John K. called me from his place way out in Carmel
Valley and said it was snowing, and that he wasn't going on the hike:
too cold.
We met my Dad at Highway 1 and Rio Road near Carmel about an hour late.
We hadn't heard from Robin, so it was going to be just Frank and I.
We dropped my car at Big Sur Ranger Station and had an OK dinner at
River Inn. I usually try to avoid that place.
It was cold and rainy by the time we arrived at my Dad's place. It seemed
to rain all night.
Our 6AM destination was China Camp on Tassajara Road. As we got closer,
my Dad noted the frost on the trees up higher. It turned out to be snow.
Soon we were driving on snow and snow was falling. (Note: This is coastal
California. Many winters go by where there is no snow at all.)
The sky darkened as we approached the trailhead and it was really snowing.
Since this was a training hike, both Frank and I had our full packs
with full gear. We were ready. I loaned Frank a hat.
We walked about 10 miles in 3"-5" of snow, and snow fell most
of the morning. My biggest worry was the trail being obscured by snow,
but it was not deep enough long enough to create a problem. We found
a new use for umbrellas: whacking snow-filled branches at calf level
or overhead. They were also effective at keeping snow off our heads.
We bombed through, skipping Sykes Hot Springs and seeing lots of weekend
hikers headed in. Some of their packs looked like torture devices. Most
of them were in cotton.
We were able to pick up Ben right on time and get Frank to his rendezvous
with girlfriend Erica.
I got home and crashed. Ben went to visit Matt and ended up spending
the night.
Sunday was Dance Church, Terry's Welcome Home party (from 3 1/2 months
in Equador and Peru), taking Ben to San Jose Airport, and a potluck
and heartcircle at Tea's mom's house.
I didn't get much done this weekend…I need to do a food order,
pack my stuff for my big moving day next weekend, and work on the web
site. Egad.
03/28/02
Of course, I'm writing because I've reached a place
of calm. I figured out last night that being frantic, as I'd been for
the last week (or month), wasn't really helping me get more done. It
may have been hindering me. The light of the full moon helped me find
peace with all the things I have to do before I leave.
On my plate right now is my second food order. My connection for the
order is on vacation, so I have a little time to get it together. The
problem is that I have a little time before I leave.
I'm also moving out of my place in Santa Cruz this weekend. Shane and
Terry, my soon-to-be former housemates have agreed to everything I've
asked of them: I can store stuff that's going into storage in SF at
their place until I can get it to SF. I can store my food there 'till
I need it. I can have my packaging party there. The packaging party
will get everything into smaller bags. I'll get more people if I can
have it in Santa Cruz, rather
than at my Dad's where I'll be housesitting until I leave. Shane and
Terry even agreed to let Bart and I have our "We're leaving Santa
Cruz" party at the house. The party will be at Bart's though. Kim
did a quick and wonderful invitation for us at a moment's notice upon
her return from Europe.
My buying spree remains unchecked. Ordered a backup pair of NB 805s
to break in before I leave. I'm getting two pair actually. I'll use
the size 11.5 for my left foot and the 11 for my right. I hope the custom
shoes work out. I may have to start the trail
in the NBs. My hiking poles are on the way.
I'll know if I got what I wanted when I weigh them. I think I can wait
on ordering crampons. The digital camera and the Palm keyboard are still
on the list.
What is truly amazing in my life is how I'm getting the opportunity
to be with people I love, and even like. There's always something to
do, someone to get together with. I'm trying to keep my nose to the
grindstone with my tasks at hand, but opportunities for fun and shared
meals just keep on
coming up. I can only smile at that bitch Stella.
I've been feeling pretty avuncular lately. My plans don't have any
niece and nephew face time before I leave, but I'd love to see them
and tell them more about my trip. That feels like motivation to get
tasks done. I may have to resort to writing.
