Cupcake's 2002 PCT Journal    

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Pre-Trip Dispatches to Friends and Family

Part of my process of doing this trip was to break out of my "I can do it myself" pattern. The first way I thought to do that was to be in touch with everyone who wanted to know about my trip. The list ended up being about 125 people. All the feedback I got was positive.

I put these letters up so that those who were not on the list from the start could get caught up. These letters may give your a glimpse of what it's like to plan a trip like this.

Letter # 1 - Sept. '01

I'm hiking the Pacific Crest Trail (PCT)* in 2002! I wanted to let you know about my plans and about opportunities to be part of my adventure. Even though my departure is months and months away, just planning of this adventure gets me excited. This is the first of a series of monthly-or so-email dispatches.

_____//Questions\\_____. . . . .and answers
I know you probably have lots of questions. [In my newsletter, I'll be anwering the questions month by month. On the site, they are condensed onto one page: FAQs.] I'll start with the first one here. The question I get the most is:

Q: Will you do this hike alone?

_____//Opportunities\\_____. . . . .and credit due

Here's my list with opportunities for support (the most important first): [I know you are anxious to help. These requests went out with the newsletter and most of them have been filled. This page shows what help I still need. My friends and family have been pretty great with helping out.]

Storage 
I'd like to find 1-3 places to store my stuff (April-September/ October 2002) rather than paying a storage facility. Central California locations are ideal, but points north could work. I don't have that much stuff, I think.
Photo Jockey
The web site will have lots of pictures if I can have someone help me manage them.
Hook Up
I'd love to see you while I'm on the trail. I'll be crossing roads and ending up in obscure places. I'll have an itinerary subject to lots of variables, but I know I'll generally be heading north ;-). Contact me and we can identify some targets. Set up a meal or night off the trail with me! You can use the rendezvous as an excuse to see the Southern California desert in May, the Sierra in June & July, Oregon in August and Washington in September. Sorry -Johnscott and Rob have already claimed Rainy Pass in Washington.
Trail Goodies
Although my diet has some hellacious restrictions, I'd love to get treats of food and for the spirit along the trail. It's not that complicated - my diet or getting the goods to me. Details to follow, and you don't have to let me know about this. I'll let you know how you can initiate and implement a drop on your own. Trail goodies are a surprise.

+++Jobs Already Claimed+++ (My way of thankfully giving credit)

 Shipping Coordinator plus
My Dad, also John Brennan, and his wife Susan have agreed to mail my resupply boxes to me. This duty is a big one, and I am so grateful they accepted without hesitation. They'll work with me to get the right food and gear to me at the right town stop. Thank you, thank you Dad and Susan. [A different Susan will fill in when Dad & Susan are gone.]
Set Up Web Site
Kwai has agreed to work with me to establish and implement the design. Plus, he'll help me get up to speed on Dreamweaver in the process. [As you can see, he's been helping...]
Journal Babe
David Gilmore is going to receive my journal entries via email and post to the site. There may be other requests. I'll keep you posted.

_____//Web Site\\_____. . . . .and outta here
I am looking forward having you along on this adventure. My site will be at www.frozenpoodle.com/pct/. (Even if it's a mid-90s, retro text-only site, something will be there.) There's no there there, yet. I'll let you know when you can check it out. [Needless to say... It's here. Some of you might have gotten here from www.cupcakewalk.com.]

Until next time, John

*Find out more about the PCT at www.pcta.org . It's a 2,650-mile trail from Mexico to Canada. With a little focus and hocus pocus I'll be starting in April, 2002, and will probably finish in September.

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Letter # 2 - Oct. '01

This is the second of my monthly pre-departure dispatches.

A LOT has happened since my last email. After September 11th, working at a Department of Defense site in a so-so job suddenly became a lot more dangerous. I worked September 12-14, but then I took a three-week, short-term disability leave from the office.
I struggled with taking this action, but my support network eventually convinced me it was the right thing to do. I'm glad they did. Now that my leave is over, I'm back at the job. I am glad that I had the benefits to allow me to sort it all out. I'm not entirely comfortable at work, but the job market, my current salary, and my short-timer status [They don't know at work about my trip yet. Don't mention it.] make it feel do-able. Obviously, I don't feel in dire danger on a daily basis. As time has passed, the scary behavior from co-workers and management, mostly in the form of emails, has stopped.
The time away from the office gave me the space I needed to emotionally deal with what happened to the extent I could return to work.
Onward...

On the gear front, this is the month I start to weigh my gear, old and new.
I got a nifty little scale from ebay (my first ebay purchase). The first piece of gear I weighed was my old Lowe Alpine pack, the one I carried this year on the JMT. It came in at an amazing 94 ounces (5.9lbs)! For an empty pack!! It's amazing only in that if I can get my base weight (gear & clothes minus water, food, and fuel) down to 12 or 15 pounds, I can use a G4 pack that weighs just 12 ounces. That's over 5 pounds off my back right there!
One pack isn't necessarily better than the other. The Lowe Alpine pack is designed for rough, off-trail conditions. The G4 is designed for on-trail, low abrasion backpacking. They're different tools. BUT, why use the wrong tool, especially if it weight 5 pounds more? The G4 will be one of my last purchases, since I won't know if I can get my weight down until I have the rest of my gear.
So, once I have my gear weighed, I can document my transition from traditional backpacking to lightweight backpacking. I suspect my base weight will drop from 40 lbs to 15 lbs. How I'll do that is a story I may get to later.

I'm also starting to price the foods I want to bring. Since I'll be buying six-months' worth of food, I'll get quantity discounts, but it's still going to be a huge outlay of money and a large coordination effort. I learned a lot this year prepping for my JMT hike, the foremost being that it takes a steady effort and significant amount of time to cook, dehydrate, and assemble home-made backpacking food.

_____//Questions\\_____. . . . .and answers
Q: How long will it take?

Q: When do you leave?

_____//Opportunities\\_____. . . . .and credit due
Here's my list with opportunities for support (the most important first):

Wholesale Food
I'm looking to get a long list of foods in case quantities. My local stores offer 10% off the case price, but I'm looking to see if I can do better. I'm trying to buy as much organic as possible, and the better deals I can get means more organic. I'll actually not be eating much traditional "freeze-dried backpacking food" like Mountain High or Alpine Aire, perhaps one a week. Instead, I'll be creating my own meals suitable to the requirements of my diet. I'll also be eating other yummy stuff.
Artist/Writers Retreats
This is actually a request for post-trip help, but I need to set it up now. Does anyone out there know anyone who's been to a funded artist/writers retreat? I want to do some fiction and non-fiction writing about my adventures and would like some focused time to pull it together. The place I'm looking for ideally covers room and board, and possibly transportation costs. Sacatar Foundation offers a program that is perfect. I'm also looking at Millay Colony in NY, the Writer's Colony at Dairy Hollow in AR, and Fine Arts Work Center in Provincetown. Are there other places that are good that I haven't mentioned? I'd like to find out more about these places, the selection process, personal contacts, and any tips on making this a successful effort.
Photo Jockey
Still looking for someone to receive photos, pick a few, scan them and put them up to the site. Volume and frequency will be up to you. There may be other requests. I'll keep you posted.
 
+++Jobs Already Claimed+++ (My way of thankfully giving credit)
Storage
Susie in SF, Ferne in Corte Madera and Tom in Monterey all have possibilities for storage. When the time gets closer, we'll look at the situation and probably have it handled. If not, I'll put the word out again. Thanks Ferne, Tom & Susie!
Some Food
Green Valley (Organic Energy Bars)
Blender Culture (Blender Bar)
Adrienne's Gourmet Foods (Lentil Orzo)
I've made arrangements for good bulk prices for my trip on these items. Food's off to a good start.

Until next time, John

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Letter # 3- Nov. '01

This is the third of my monthly pre-departure dispatches leading up to hiking the Pacific Crest Trail next year.

One thing I've been thinking about since I last wrote you is my mileage, my daily mileage. Before too long on my trip, I'll be able to do 30-mile days (or more), but I'm pretty sure I don't want to.
I am not likely to repeat this PCT adventure. I don't want to miss it. I don't want to find myself done in an amazingly few number of days. I don't want to have gone so far so fast that I didn't meet other hikers, that I didn't linger for views, meadows, or blooms. I stopped to watch a young buck drinking from a small lake at sunset this summer. I'll never forget it. I don't want my PCT trail time to be a blur.

So, not rushing looks like making a commitment to 20- to 25-mile days, and not fretting about the 12- or 18-mile days. I'll be deliberately putting the brakes on, taking the time to jump in a lake, be friendly, and look at the landscape. It may seem natural to do all of these things on a hike. However, this summer on my 300-mile jaunt I found that I had the urge to move. I wasn't racing, but I was covering ground. I was in awe of the power of moving through the landscape; to be on one pass and to look back at the pass I'd come over earlier in the day, to experience moving through the trees.

I also worry that if I go too slow, that I could lose focus. I think a steady pace, accented with breaks, is the answer for me. I also have a number of friends who have expressed interest in hiking with me, so I'll get a double bonus. These friends will probably be ready for 8-12 mile days, so I'll get to spend time with friends and they'll help me keep my mileage down. Sound pretty good to me. I'll have to work out my food when friends are along since I'll need be on the trail for a longer time between segments.

My normal routine will be something like this: Leave camp between 6 and 7, hike, have breakfast after a few miles, hike, have lunch, hike, have a snack, hike, cook dinner around 5, and hike until sunset or into dusk. Each of those meals will be at the best place I can find to take a break: a lake, on a ridge, looking into a valley, on a pass. A new dining room for every meal. Have started my training hikes. So far both have been on rainy days... I hope it's not foreshadowing. :-)

_____ //Questions\\_____. . . . .and answers
Q: How can you afford to take this much time off work?

Q: How much does a trip like this cost?

Q: You're not hiking in boots?!?

_____//Opportunities\\_____. . . . .and credit due

Here's my list with opportunities for support (the most important first): This section is short this time.

Join the Pacific Crest Trail Association
This one won't help my hike directly, but the Pacific Crest Trail Association is a small non-profit that exists to support hikers and organize trail maintenance. Their basic membership is $35 a year. While you are pondering, you can get more info at www.pcta.org.

Jobs Already Claimed+++ (My way of thankfully giving credit)

Address
My sister, Samantha, has agreed to let her address be my address during the hike. Thanks! She'll look out for bills, throw out junk, and have a big box for me when I get back.
Photo Jockey
Cousin Nick in Philadelphia has agreed to work with me to set up a system to get photos on the web. Rob in Washington has agreed to help if needed.

That's all for this time,
John

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Letter # 4- Dec. '01

This is the fourth of my monthly pre-departure dispatches. When we last left our hero, he was planning and pondering.
I've started the process of getting my food together for the trip. I'll need 5,000-6,000 calories a day. That pretty much means that I can eat whatever I want, and as much of it as I want. I MUST eat that much food or I crash. Luckily, it's very clear when I don't eat enough.
The food needs to be lightweight, portable and a snap to cook.
I learned, preparing for this year's JMT trip, that it takes a long time to get the meals together, especially when I assemble my own meals. I'll be preparing 150 breakfasts, 150 dinners and a bunch of extra meals for large hot lunches. I'll need to make sure I have enough variety that I don't go crazy. It's a tall order.

On other fronts, I've started pursing sponsorships for my trip. It's too soon to see how well my efforts will pay off. I have requests into Odwalla (for their bars), Flora (for their flax seed blend capsules and Beyond Greens), and Bay Photo (for film and processing).

For those interested in a little reading, the journal is up for my John Muir Trail hike this summer. The site's a small practice one for my PCT trip. It's not quite done, and may never get done, but the journal is there with a few photos. Check out http://www.frozenpoodle.com/jmt and follow the journal link. You are welcome to send me comments about the layout or readability.

_____//Questions\\_____. . . . .and answers
Q: What is this hike you're doing? [This question should have been answered first!]

Q: So what will you wear on your feet if you are not wearing hiking boots?

Q: What's a bounce box?

_____//Facts\\_____. . . . .and more facts

-By switching from my Kelty Zen tent (6 lbs) to my tarp setup (1.8 lbs), I won't have to carry an extra 4 pounds for 2,600 miles. These kind of weight savings adds up.

_____//Opportunities\\_____. . . . .and credit due
Here's my list with opportunities for support (the most important first):

This section continues to be short. A lot of the major stuff is covered, but keep on looking. There may be other things coming up.

Music Master
I may be taking an MP3 player on my hike. I need someone to upload music. I'll supply CDs with music files. The Music Master will need a USB connection and will use Windows Media Player v 7 or higher (or other music software that will recognize a Compaq iPaq PA-2 MP3 player) to move files in 64MB chunks onto MMCs. We can talk details if you are interested.

+++Jobs Already Claimed+++
(My way of thankfully giving credit)

Finances
I have two friends who are helping me sort out the finances for my trip. There are lots of things I need for the trip, and some things I want. They're helping me keep clear about what's what. They are also helping me make sure there's enough money when I get off the trail. I am very grateful to B & L for their efforts to help me keep me on track.
Christmas Gifts
Wow. It was a great Christmas. Mom got me a new Palm (m125). It's great. I'll use it on the trail to keep my journal. Janet got me the light-weight Thermarest AND the Black Diamond Moonlight headlamp, both excellent gifts. Dad & Susan, Patrick & Andrew, and Samantha contributed to the custom shoe fund. Also got silk long underwear. My gear list is getting shorter and shorter.

That's it for December. Happy New Year!
John

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Letter # 5- Jan. '02

This is the fifth of my monthly pre-departure dispatches. How many of you were hanging on your seats, wondering if I'd get my January edition out in ...January?? I know I was. Rather than a longer edition this month, I decided to make this one normal length and to send another dispatch in a week or so. I know, I know. I promised I'd send these once a month...

We are now in the year that I depart! My excitement is building.

Food is on my mind these days. I've been experimenting with flavors and textures, dehydrating almost anything to see if it will work to take on the trail, and putting together one huge shopping list for ingredients for creating my own meals, and prepared food. Have you ever tried to figure out how much oats you'll eat in the next five months? How much pasta? And all this without packing so much that you get sick of it? It's daunting, but enjoyable because it's all working toward my big adventure.

On other fronts, my fundraising has started. So far, I've received $820 in cash, and received about $160 in food and gear. I'm also getting a lot of logistical, emotional, and spiritual support from many people. I can't put a price on it, but all of it is teaching me in ways I didn't expect to learn. The fundraising is off to a great start. The email in a week or so will have more about that.

I've been thinking lately about why I'm doing this trip. It's not just a hike. I didn't know that when I made the decision, but it's readily apparent today.
Hiking the Pacific Crest Trail, I'm finding out, is like the first act in a three-act play. I'm living the prologue right now: I'm finding out that I can't make it happen alone; that there are people who want to support my vision, and that my vision is inspiring others.
The stage is set, but acts two and three are not yet written. I'm excited to find out what happens.

_____//Questions\\_____. . . . .and answers

Q: What have I done to pare down the weight of my pack (Part 1-Gear)?

Q: How far will you have to go to get water?

_____//Facts\\_____. . . . .and more facts
Each year 200-300 people start hiking the Pacific Crest Trail, and 50 or 60 finish. Most of them hike from south to north. Of course, it's a wide-open trail and many people could get by uncounted. There is an informal group of people who try to keep track. The Pacific Crest Trail Association also has an interest in keeping good records. Many of the major stops along the way have trail registers where hikers can sign it. It's one way we hikers keep track of each other along the way. It's also a way to count hikers, but who's a thru-hiker and who's just on for the day or week?

_____//Opportunities\\_____. . . . .and credit due
Here's my list with opportunities for support (the most important first):

Matching Donation
A friend has put up $250 toward my vision if I can get three other people to also put up $250. The deadline is February 15. If you've been wondering how you can be more involved in supporting my vision, this is it. If you need more information, it's on the way. [It's not too late! Any donations accepted. Here's how.]
Laptop
I am looking for an old laptop that somebody might have sitting in their closet. I don't need much in terms of performance. It should have a CD-ROM, a modem (or at least a PCMCIA slot), and USB. The laptop will go in my bounce box, and I'll use it to back up my Palm, transfer music to my MP3, send and receive email, and do web site management. My existing ancient laptop cannot be coaxed into accommodating USB.
Taxes
I can do my 2001 taxes, but I think that I should have someone look at them and talk with me to make sure I'm getting the biggest return. Added bonus: I am ready to go now. My return should be a simple 1040 with what I think will be a simple Schedule D. Do you know this stuff inside out? Are you good at your own taxes? Lend a hand to someone who has only recently graduated from years of doing a phone-in 1040EZ.
Food Mill
I need to borrow a food mill to grind cooked and dehydrated grains. You'll get it back in mid-April.

Thanks

Thanks You Cards
Thanks to Walter for the wonderful image created for my thank you cards. Some of you have already gotten to see the card. More are on the way.
Low Rent
When I moved into my current place, I negotiated the rent price down with Shane, my roommate. I didn't recognize it when I moved in here, but Shane's intention was to be supporting my vision. I thought he was just being nice. Thanks Shane for a fun and supportive place to launch my trip.
Free Food and an Ice Axe
Thanks to Margo for a lot of backpacking food and a perfect ice axe. Margo did 900 miles of the PCT in 2001. She's on to other adventures, and wanted to support me in mine.
Discounted Food
Thanks to Staff of Life grocery store in Santa Cruz. They are offering a better-than-case price on one big special order purchase with them. It helps that they have a lot of the food I'll be taking

That's all for January. Hope the new year is off to a good start for you.
John

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Letter # 6- Feb. '02
We are now in the countdown now! If you are skimming, please look at the music request below.

This is the sixth of my monthly pre-departure dispatches. February ended abruptly, so you are getting February's letter in March. If you think you missed the supplement promised in the January letter, it didn't go out. All in good time.

---
Yesterday, Bart, Wind, Beanpole, and I were at the beach. They decided my trail name should be Cupcake. My initial resistance has yielded to the brilliance; and the source of the name. Say hello to Cupcake.
--

Rico (of Ricolino and Kranky fame) asked me to talk about exactly how much of a commitment a trip like this entails, in terms of time and planning. Hopefully my reply will be as interesting as a Ricolino and Kranky performance. I know it won't be as funny. In short, making this trip happen is a part-time job.

I've had several phases to my commitment to this trip. More than a year ago, in January and February, 2001, I committed to investigating the timing of the trip and what it would entail. I talked to people, researched online and quickly decided. Back of the napkin calculations revealed that to hike the PCT starting in April 2001 would be financial suicide. Given that there's a short window to begin a thru-hike, my next possible start date was April 2002. That took off some pressure. I then joined two email lists, backpackinglight on YahooGroups (www.yahoogroups.com), and PCT-L (http://mailman.backcountry.net/mailman/listinfo/pct-l). I've read every email since and learned a lot about the trail and about lightening my load.

I've sort of slid into the commitment of doing the hike. I've always been 100% clear that I wanted to do the hike. I just wasn't certain about the money. As I bought more gear and my savings began to build, it felt like I was moving closer to actually going. Today, there is no doubt on any front, but I couldn't tell you when I knew for certain that I was doing the trail.

A quick investigation at work revealed that a request for 6 months would be beyond the scope of a leave of absence. Was I willing to quit my job for this trip? Yes. Another answer to increase my commitment. Also related to work, I discovered, by some miracle of accounting period switches, that at my 4-year anniversary, I had vested in my retirements. I could quit at any time without losing my retirement.

I also had several levels of support for me doing the trip. During the Billy New Years gathering (2000-2001) at Heartwood in Northern California, Richard Szubin and I met. Richard had hiked the California section in 1999. We talked for the rest of the gathering about the PCT, long-distance hiking, and ultra-light backpacking. Within a few short weeks, he had sent me Beyond Backpacking by Ray Jardine, the guru of lightweight backpacking. Then, when I was looking to move for the fourth time since moving to Santa Cruz, my current roommate Shane provided support in the form of lower rent. That got the ball rolling. Next, my Dad and his wife, Susan, said they be my home base of support. Things were falling into place easily.

I used to live by the guidelines of "No plants. No pets. No rings." Although I don't hold those values as I high as I did in the past, those three facts still are manifest in my life, so the sort of detail that ties one down were not an issue for me. And no kids or mortgage either.

Finances and preparation have been the biggest commitment so far. Since I need to work to pay for the trip, I have limited preparation time. I'm doing this trip because I want to, so I've never let preparing become a bummer. I've remained committed to having fun with friends and living life before I leave. I have had to make some changes and say no to many opportunities, but it's all in the context of my trip.
I have pulled back from all of my volunteer efforts, and spend my evenings and weekends making this trip happen. (That's the part-time job part of it.)

I must admit that the calendar has crept up on me. It feels like I've spent 10 months going at a snail's pace, and now the last two months I have a ton to do. The last 12 months have been full of opportunity for friends and events. I've said yes often, and trusted that everything would be done in time. I'm having fun and get panicked just once in a while.

--

Food continues to be a focus. As my friend Rose says, "It is one thing to eat an unbalanced diet for a month, and another thing to do it for six months." She's been a great source for info, and has provided reminders of facts that needed to be reinforced. So, I'm working toward optimum nutrition and enough calories. I can waiver on the nutrition, but I can't on the calories. Nutritionally, I'll work toward getting the right balance on all three types of fat, getting all my vitamins and minerals, and eating organic. Calorie-wise, I'll need to be packing them in, probably 5-6000 a day, as I mentioned last month.
The dehydrator has been on nearly constantly since the beginning of December. My general strategy with dehydrating is to make more of the food I regularly cook and dehydrate the leftovers. Then there's the giant food order. I'm still working that out.

_____//Questions\\_____. . . . .and answers

Q: What have I done to pare down the weight of my pack (Part 2-Philosphy)?

Q: Why exactly is weight savings, even small, important?

Q: What's a trail name?

_____//Opportunities\\_____. . . . .and credit due
Here's my list with opportunities for support:

Music

I would like everyone to send me one or two songs they would like me to have on the trail. MP3 or WMA formats are best. The easiest would be to ftp them. Email me if you are interested, and I'll send the ftp location. PLEASE DON'T EMAIL THE FILES. When I get them, I'll then put them on MiniDisc and think of you when I'm in my bag headed to sleep and the song comes on. Of course, you can also send me a CD you burned.
Don't let the technology be a hindrance to getting music to me. Let me know if it's daunting, and I'll take you through the process. The two requirements: You should have the music on CD and a CD-ROM on your computer.
I'm hoping for songs that have a lot of meaning to you, or convey a message you'd like me to have.

As I mentioned last month, I have a matching donation. I need one more person to contribute $250 so that I can get a matching donation of $250. Support.

Thanks

Odwalla Bars
A double score on this front. Odwalla fulfilled my request for 20 caddies of their Odwalla bars. That's 240! AND Tim and Christie had a case (96 bars) left over from their Alaska AIDS Vaccine bike ride, and they donated them to my adventure. Thanks everybody. I may never want another Odwalla bar when I'm done. At least I'll be well-nourished and have lots of tasty snacks. Thanks Odwalla.
 
Laptop

Samantha and Brian found an old laptop for me! It has everything I need. Thanks for looking and finding just what I need. (Next month: What I'm doing with a laptop.)
 
MiniDisc

Jennifer and Greg got me a MiniDisc recorder. I had planned to get an MP3 player. This MiniDisc is so much more. It can record! So now, in addition to music at night, I'll have a microphone to do some audio diary entries and interviews with other hikers. Now to find the perfect lightweight microphone.
 
New Orthotics

Tim and Christi of PhysioSports in Monterey (and good friends) are making new custom orthotics to help my feet thrive on this hike. Yipee.

There's more to tell you but this letter is overdue and long enough. Hope you all are well.

Until later in March,
John

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Letter # 7- March '02
This is the seventh of my monthly pre-departure dispatches. It's now early April and this is my March letter. As those of you who know me well, I am not the type to be late. Missing my own deadlines in front of so many people is a good sign. I'm loosening up and choosing sleep over being precise when precision does not matter. What a concept.

A quick update and summary of facts that have been spread through these emails: I'm giving notice this Friday, April 5th. My last day of work is April 19th. I fly to Tucson on April 24. David Gilmore and I drive to Campo on April 25. I start hiking on April 26. Richard may be joining me for my first day of hiking. I finish in September.

I have moved out of my place in Santa Cruz, and I'm housesitting for my Dad and his wife while they are in Ireland. I got most of my stuff into storage in SF in March. Living with Shane (and sometimes Terry) was great. Now I begin the huge task of dividing up my food and supplies into 32 packages.

My new friend Keith asked me what I think I will gain from my trip. Here's the answer:
I expect to gain my life. The last five years have been about finding out what I like and how I want to live. I was raised in a fear-based, middle class world. Those values are fairly ingrained, and I have been working to shed them. My own unhappiness and my near-and-dear friends have shown me by example that there can be another way. I used to be too serious for a fellow without kids. I used to seek the job and life security of a guy with a mortgage and big car payments. Most of my struggles in life were about trying to live a life that I don't have. I'm a single gay man, not a married straight couple with children. Of course, I have had some insight into this over the years, but more recently I'd gotten a better picture of the whole picture.
I am a powerful, happy man. Part of my power is my creativity, which has a hard time expressing itself in a 5-day, 40-hour workweek with a 90-minute daily commute. I hope to regain my power and to cultivate my happiness.

The decision to do this trip was a dive into the unknown. I was able to test the waters some, but there are parts of this that I just don't know about. Will my body hold up? Will my mind hold up? What will I do when I finish? Where will I live? Should I travel around? Should I save my money? Will I die? Will I live?
I decided early on that I would need to have faith, which is not a word I throw around. I realized at some point that the Catholics, my religion of origin, had co-opted the word faith. For most of my life, I'd just avoided the word. Now I'm using it with my own understanding and experience of the definition. I suppose the two definitions are fairly similar, but I respect my definition because I've experienced faith first-hand. I fundamentally distrusted the Catholics' because it had been presented to me as dogma.
So, I'm having faith that my decision to hike the PCT is good for me, that it will benefit and enrich my life in ways that I cannot anticipate. I'm having faith that quitting my job will not be the end of the world, will not preclude other financial goals, and not set me back. I'm having faith that choosing to make room for love and creativity will allow those elements to flourish.

_____//Questions\\_____. . . . .and answers

Q: What are trail angels?

Q: What are you going to do with a laptop?

Q: How can we communicate with you on the trail?

_____//Opportunities\\_____. . . . .and credit due
Here's my list with opportunities for support (the most important first):

I'm going to have a packaging party in Santa Cruz soon. We'll spend a few hours breaking down food into smaller packages. If you would like to be a part of it, let me know, and I'll send you details.

I can't think of anything else I need right now, other than a few packages to get here soon.

Thanks and More Thanks

Matching Donation

I have some thanks for the matching fund challenge grant.
First, thanks to Tom Truss for putting up the matching donation. Tom is a great friend, a big supporter, and an amazing artist. Next, thanks to Jean Sward from San Rafael for her contribution to the matching grant. She was the first to pitch in $250. Jean was part of the team that sent me off on my John Muir Trail hike last year. Thanks to Riversong and Wonderful, two generous supportive men, for their assistance in meeting the matching funds. Finally, thanks to Johnny Thunder for his contribution. He was worried that he couldn't contribute less than $250. I assured him that he could.
 
Food

Thanks to SunRidge Farms for giving me good prices on a huge food order. It's hard to believe that in six months I will have eaten over a hundred pounds of trail mix. What's great about getting good prices was that it allowed me to buy organic foods, which are generally more expensive.
 
1971 National Geographic

My friend Tree brought down a gift from Gary, a friend I've hiked with: The 1971 National Geographic featuring the Pacific Crest Trail, plus a vintage guide to the major sites and features. What an amazing gift. Thanks.
 
Ride to the Trail

I had several offers to get to me to the trail to start the hike. In the end, it worked out best to go with Beanpole (David Gilmore). I'll get to see his new house in Tucson, and we'll have a little road trip.

I feel like I'm forgetting to thank someone here. There's always next month.
John

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Letter # 8- April '02

This is the eight and final of my monthly pre-departure dispatches. Hopefully you are still reading. To get information from here on out, go to the web site, www.cupcakewalk.com. I'm in a time crunch as I get ready to leave, so this will be short. As I write this, I'm in Tucson.

Here are the ways we can be in touch while I am on the trail:
1. The web site for the trip: www.cupcakewalk.com
2. Voicemail: 415 626-5646. Please only leave urgent or rendezvous messages. I'll be checking it every few weeks.
3. Email: The email address for my trip is "cupcake AT cupcakewalk.com". If you send an email to other addresses, I'll get it, but I won't have as ready access to it as the other.
4. US Postal Service: You can mail stuff to me. The web site explains more here: Itinerary. I still need some time to get it up there...

I'm hoping to put together a Sierra Pass Party in June, around the solstice. I'll have to see how my hiking progresses. In general, I'll time it to arrive at a major Sierra pass (Tioga, Sonora, Donner, etc.) on a Friday, and hang Saturday with whoever shows up. Details to follow.

I'm going to have a piece on Outright Radio that will air this summer. PRI is distributing it, and local NPR stations have the option of airing it, so you may hear it. It's about standing up to the 'anti-gay' bullies in high school, and part of the Bashing Back show. If your station doesn't carry it, you can listen to it online.

_____//Questions\\_____. . . . .and answers

Q: What will you do after the trail?

Q: How was your departure from work? From Santa Cruz?

_____//Facts\\_____. . . . .and more facts

I start the trail on Friday, April 26, 2002!

_____//Thanks\\_____
Voice Mail
Thanks once again to Larry and Bill in SF who got voicemail set up for me. Leave brief messages at 415 626-5646 during my trip.
Fund Raising Team
I want to thank Bart, Bill, Ben and Walter for the thought, insight and experience they brought to my fund raising. They insisted I would not be a pauper by asking, encouraged me to ask for what I needed, and helped me craft what I hope were fairly painless requests. Although I did not put a formal request out to this email list, I still managed to raise almost $3,000. It was shy of my ultimate goal. If you want to contribute go to the support page of www.cupcakewalk.com.
There are other people - lots - to thank. That will have to wait for another day.

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