Monday, August 30, 2004
Excitement Becomes Fear
08/30/04-2
When hiking the Continental Divide Trail, I have to make choices all the time.
The Divide itself is not hikeable in some places, or is on private land. Or it can be ugly and overused. Or the trail the CDT uses could be routed on existing trail that has little relationship to the Divide for political, financial, or ego-driven reasons.
One choice that was always exciting was regarding the Great Divide Basin. This is the place the Divide splits, creating a vast open area from which no water flows out. It's also known as the Red Desert. Desert implies, of course, that water is an issue. The East Rim route is the safe route, water-wise. Cutting down the middle, a 100-mile dash from rim to rim, is the route considered to be a bit more risky. The West Rim has no water and is considered unhikable without caches.
In my planning, I vacillated between the East Rim and crossing the Basin. By the time I left for my hike, I was set to do the East Rim. As I hiked closer, I changed my mind again. I set my resupply boxes so that I could choose either option. The box going to South Pass City, Wyoming (WY23), had food enough for either route, which ends in Rawlins, Wyoming. I set it up so I could make my decision at any point.
With news first from the Professor at Big Sandy Lodge, then from Yogi and Dewey, of adequate water, I decided to do the crossing.
As my time today passed, first in South Pass City, then Atlantic City, I found myself delaying my departure with every task possible. I looked at that and came up with fear.
I was afraid to set out on a 100+ mile journey through an arid basin by myself.
I've never let fear rule my life (except my sex life, but that's a different journal), so I wrapped up my tasks and set out.
Now that I'm here at the Sweetwater Bridge, less than an hour's hike from the rim of the Basin, I feel fine. I have the information I need, I have the tools I need, and I have the sense of adventure that fuels my interest in long hikes.
Today, I walked up to my fear. Tomorrow, I walk into it; in a state of confident surrender.
I ate half a pound of cashews writing this entry.
